I’m Turning Forty. . . Half Way to the Grave

I’m turning forty years old this Sunday. Which means if I’m lucky I’m at the half way point. Although I think eighty might be wishful thinking if I don’t start increasing my daily mobility. Sitting on my butt for prolonged increments of time is one of the shared job descriptions that unites my roles as pastor, writer, and radio host. Some days I feel like a stalagmite. However, unlike the stalagmite, I will change my location when confronted with perpetually dripping water droplets.

To note the passing of my life, my lovely wife has decided to throw me a big birthday party, or as I like to call it, my funeral rehearsal. I’m not a big party kind of guy, but it will be nice to see who might possibly show up when I kick the can and mosey into the afterlife. And yes, I will most likely mosey into the afterlife because, as I stated before, I live a very sedentary life.

As a pastor, I’ve done a fair amount of funerals and I’ve always felt somewhat frustrated by the testimony or remembrance time in those services. That’s the point when friends, family, co-workers, and the occasional “who in the world is that” get up and share fond stories about the recently departed. I’ve heard some really amazing stories and heartfelt thoughts during memorial services. However, I’ve often thought that it would have been far better for the deceased to hear these things while they were still living. Why do we have to wait for someone to leave the room before we say something nice about them.

So this weekend I get to see a bunch of the people who love me or at least tolerate my existence. I’ll hear some kinds words and some genuine heartfelt congratulations. I’ll also receive a prolonged dose of relentless teasing. I assume the rapid progression of my perpetually greying, perpetually receding hair will be duly noted. And for the most part, little or no sympathy will be given to the plight of my aging.

I’ve found that people who are older than you have little sympathy for your age milestones; they are there to remind you to quit your whining. People who are younger than you have little or no understanding of what you’re going through; they are there to remind you that you really have no idea how you will feel about yourself in the future. Consequently, I will need to find other forty year-olds in the room if I’m in need of sympathy or understanding.

Since I’ll only turn forty once in my existence, I think I will use this moment to give my friends, family, co-workers, and “who in the world is that” a little sage advice concerning what I’ve discovered in my 40 year journey.

Don’t waste your life trying to prove your worth to others. There will always be Pharisees in the room who want to steal your joy. God is your worth and your value. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. The cross is proof of your immense value and worth.

Remove yourself from bitter fields. Your heart will grow hard and your words will grow sour if you poison your life with conversations and activities rooted in tearing people down. Malicious talk, gossip, and unforgiveness will steal away your peace and destroy your fruitfulness.

Learn to love difficult people. Maturity is not found in escaping difficult people and difficult situations. Maturity is demonstrated in learning to love when the situation feels unlovely.

Learn to love the people who’ve been entrusted to your care. Give your best time, energy, and resources to this practice.

Follow the radical leading of God’s Holy Spirit. Even if it makes you stand out and look foolish.
Say you’re sorry often, with sincere conviction! We are wrong far more than we are often willing to admit.

Avoid religious systems and institutions that turn Christianity into anything but a loving relationship with God.

Smile and start exercising. . . You’ve got much more love to give.

I’ve got more thoughts, but I’m tired of sitting here. I think I might go out for a walk.

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My Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial for 2012

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

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And God Let Us Say No!

Thoughts Inspired by Craig J. DesJardins Thematic Bible Reading Plan

by Doug Bursch
January 1
Genesis 1; Psalm 8; Psalm 104

In Genesis 1 we find the pattern of “Let there be. . .” and “there was. . . .” In this pattern God speaks and His creative will comes into existence. “And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light” (Gen 1:3). From the mouth of God, creation comes into form. In Genesis we see that God’s word precedes the creation of the world and everything in it. At first, the power of “Let there be” appears to be an unstoppable force or an unchanging spiritual law. The law is simple, powerful, and seemingly irrefutable; When God speaks His will is created.

But God is more than a creator, more than a calculating builder or engineer. God is love and therefore His creative power is permeated with love; His creation is marked with love. In love, He created humans. “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Gen 1:27).

I will never fathom the mystery of “Let there be. . . me.” That God would create us in His image; that God would give us the capacity to share His image, to be fruitful, to multiply, to subdue, and have dominion. And we had not choice in the matter, He spoke and we came into existence.

Our existence is not one of choice. But choice is the gift of our existence. God, in His great love, allowed the seemingly irrefutable law of “Let there be” to be challenged and disobeyed. He gave us the choice to say no to His creative will. He gave us the gift of love. The ability to say yes and the ability to say no. “No, I will not allow you to create that in me!”

So God let there be Adam and Eve. He blessed them with tremendous capacity. He gave them the gift of fruitfulness, the ability to multiply, the power to subdue and have dominion. He gave them the ability to refuse the One whose image they carried. And God said, “Let there be my will in your life.” His creation, His beloved children, paused and spoke a resounding “No!” We will not follow your lead, we will not make room for your word. We will choose to separate our will from your will, our image from your image. We will refuse your creative power in our life. Instead of serving our God, instead of reflecting His image, we will serve ourselves. We will worship the created instead of the Creator (Romans 1:25).

And our loving God, with His mighty words, breathed in His will, and kept His will from forcing us to follow. He yielded to our will and gave us the gift of “As you wish.” The gift of being separate from the one who made us. The gift of choosing other than life and light. The gift of understanding what it means to say both yes and no.

“Let there be love!” This truth permeates the creation narrative. That God would allow for us not only to exist, not only to bear His image, but also to choose a path of existence that is beyond His coercion. I imagine the angels paused in light of Adam and Eve’s rebellion. I imagine they waited for the hand of God to have His way; they waited for the “there was” to follow God’s “let there be.” Instead, God allowed His will to echo through the ages until it found rest, solution, and satisfaction in the sacrifice of His perfect son, Jesus Christ our Lord. Jesus Christ is the answer to our “let there be” rebellion.

Today’s reading reminds me that from the beginning of our existence we humans have always abided in a climate of grace and love.

One more word of note. It appears to me that God uses the agency of the Holy Spirit to bring about His creative will. On the first day of creation, we notice that the Spirit of the Lord is hovering “over the face of the deep” (Gen 1:2). The Spirit is waiting to carry out the creative will of the Father. In Psalm 104:30 we read, “When you send forth your Spirit, they are created, and you renew the face of the ground.”

It is the Spirit of the Lord that brings about God’s creative capacity in the world and in our life. It is the Spirit of the Lord that brings renewal to the earth. My prayer for the coming year is that God will create His will in my life. That His spoken word will come to pass in me and through me through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Let God’s kingdom come and let God’s will be done in me, on earth, as it is done in heaven. May 2012 be a “Let there be. . . and there was in me” year of faith.

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Resolutions for the American Church

Here are my 2012 resolutions for the American Church in no particular order of importance.

This coming year you will treat your youth pastors with respect, love and dignity. You’re no longer going to interact with them like they are second class ministers who must prove their worth by how many paintball, pizza party lock-ins they have. You’re also going to try to pay them more because it is absurd that many youth pastors have given up on the possibility of ever owning a house or even renting a decent apartment.

This coming year you’re going to wash your hands of almost all aspects of our current political system. You’re going to stop wasting your time posting, tweeting, and forwarding angry inflammatory messages about your least favorite candidate. You’ll stop giving to political organizations that mobilize their base through fear and misinformation. You’re going to preach and live a message that is rooted in the Gospel, not the Republican or Democrat platform. Your going to realize that Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, or Newt Gingrich will not save our nation. Neither will President Obama. There is one Savior! He is already on the scene waiting for us to stop wasting our time building and tearing down the kingdoms of man.

In 2012 your going to finally give your relationships the priority they deserve. Your going to realize that almost everything around you will eventually rust, corrode, and fade away. However, your relationships have eternal consequences. As a result, you will give your best energy, time, and resources to healing your relationships. This means you’re going to learn how to apologize to your spouse, love your neighbor, and encourage your kids. It’s absurd that you know more about how to maintain a healthy lawn than a healthy marriage. Let the lawn regress this year! In 2012 you’re giving everything to rescue the relationships that matter.

In the coming year, you and I are going to embrace the gift of repentance. Instead of justifying our hypocrisies we are going to repent. Instead of defending our anger or fear based actions, we are going to get on our knees and repent. We will repent and start removing the planks from our eyes. We are going to remove our judge’s robes and burn them. In 2012, we will extend the good news and favor of the Lord through repenting.

In 2012 we will smile more. A frowning, stern looking church cannot reflect the fullness of the Gospel. This coming year we will allow the joy of the Gospel to permeate all our interactions. That means our grumpy board members will either start resigning or start making room for the ever present joy of the Gospel. People don’t make us perpetually angry and unhappy. A perpetually bitter demeanor is the fruit of a heart that is unwilling to submit to Christ. In 2012 we will submit to Christ and start smiling!

In 2012 the American church will give priority to Spirit-led inclinations. The church is not a system, it’s a relationship. God is more than a carefully crafted theology or clearly articulated doctrinal distinctive. God is more than song styles and transitions. He’s greater than picking the right sermon series with the appropriate accompanying video clip. God is more than tidy start times and well organized sermon points. God is bigger than our systems. God will not be limited by our research! God will not be hemmed in by our expertise on what makes a “healthy church.” God is alive, resurrected, and speaking! In 2012 we will follow the Spirit-led inclinations of God, even if our pursuit seems awkward and unrefined. Better to live for a God-given dream than to waste our lives propping up and maintaining the systems of long departed or soon to depart dead men.

In the coming year we are going to give our first fruits to God. We only have so much energy, time, and money. Consequently, we will give our first and best energy, time, and money to God! Our Kingdom allegiances are revealed in how and where we distribute first fruits. In 2012 we will pray “Thy Kingdom Come” and we will live this prayer by giving our first fruits to God. . . . . If not, then why would we ever say that prayer.

In the coming year we will most likely fail at implementing any of these resolutions. Even so, we will be deeply loved by God. Because this is still the year of the Lord’s favor. God is still reconciling the world through a love, grace, and goodness that is more powerful than we could ever fully imagine. Therefore, we will pursue great aspirations for the coming year because we have a big God who will catch us when we fail.

Happy New Year! Feel free to tear up this list and make your own. But please, live for something greater than yourself in 2012.

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2012 Thematic Reading Plan by Craig J. DesJardins

I’m providing my readers with an excellent thematic reading plan put together by Craig J. DesJardins. Craig has given me permission to post this on my site. If you use this plan for your church, please make sure you credit Mr. DesJardins.

2012 Thematic Bible Reading Plan
Copyright 2011 Craig J. DesJardins
(Those desiring an e-copy of this sheet or of the full calendar should email Craig at craigdesjardins98406@yahoo.com)

January
1 Genesis 1; Psalm 8; Psalm 104
2 Gen 2-4; 2 Peter 1
3 Gen 5-6; 2 Pet 2
4 Gen 7-9; 2 Pet 3
5 Gen 10; Psa 55; Gen 11
6 Gen 12-14; Galatians 1
7 Gen 15-17; Gal 2
8 Gen 18-19; Gal 3
9 Gen 20-21; Gal 4
10 Gen 22-23; Gal 5
11 Gen 24; Gal 6
12 Psa 127; Gen 25-26; 1 Timothy 1
13 Gen 27-28; 1 Tim 2
14 Gen 29-30; 1 Tim 3
15 Gen 31; Psa 124; 1 Tim 4
16 Gen 32-33; Psa 128; 1 Tim 5
17 Gen 34-35; 1 Tim 6
18 Gen 36; Romans 1; Psa 19
19 Gen 37-38; Rom 2
20 Gen 39-40; Rom 3; Psa 5
21 Gen 41-42; Rom 4
22 Gen 43-44; Rom 5
23 Gen 45-46; Rom 6
24 Gen 47-48; Rom 7
25 Gen 49-50; Rom 8
26 Exodus 1-2; Rom 9
27 Ex 3-4; Rom 10
28 Ex 5; Rom 11; Psa 97
29 Ex 6-7; Rom 12
30 Ex 8-9; Rom 13
31 Ex 10-11; Psa 105; Rom 14

February
1 Ex 12; Rom 15
2 Ex 13-14; Rom 16
3 Ex 15-16; Colossians 1
4 Psa 81; Ex 17-18; Col 2
5 Ex 19-20; Col 3
6 Ex 21; Col 4; Philemon 1
7 Ex 22-23; Psa 144
8 Psa 99; Ex 24-25
9 Ex 26-27; Psa 84
10 Ex 28-29; Psa 133
11 Ex 30-31; Philippians 1
12 Ex 32-33; Php 2
13 Psa 103; Ex 34; Php 3
14 Ex 35-36; Php 4
15 Ex 37-38; Hebrews 1; Psa 45
16 Ex 39-40; Heb 2
17 Leviticus 1-3; Heb 3; Psa 95
18 Lev 4-6; Heb 4
19 Lev 7-8; Heb 5; Psa 110
20 Lev 9-11; Heb 6
21 Lev 12-13; Heb 7
22 Lev 14; Heb 8
23 Lev 15-16; Heb 9
24 Lev 17-18; Heb 10
25 Lev 19; Psa 33; Heb 11
26 Lev 20-21; Heb 12
27 Lev 22-23; Heb 13
28 Lev 24-25; Psa 112
29 Psa 65; Lev 26-27

March
1 Ezra 1-2; Psa 122
2 Psa 126; Ezra 3-6
3 Ezra 7-8; Titus 1
4 Ezra 9-10; Titus 2
5 Nehemiah 1-3; Titus 3
6 Neh 4-6; Psa 56
7 Neh 7; 2 Tim 1
8 Neh 8-9; 2 Tim 2
9 Neh 10-11; 2 Tim 3
10 Neh 12-13; 2 Tim 4
11 Esther 1-3; Psa 83
12 Est 4-7; Psa 94
13 Est 8-10; Psa 37
14 Psa 119:1-88
15 Psa 119:89-176
16 Isa 1-2; Psa 50
17 Isa 3-5; Psa 28
18 Psa 29; Isa 6-8
19 Isa 9-12; 1 Peter 1
20 Isa 13-15; 1 Pet 2
21 Isa 16-19; 1 Pet 3
22 Isa 20-23; 1 Pet 4
23 Isa 24-27; 1 Pet 5
24 Isa 28-29; Mark 1
25 Isa 30-32; Mk 2
26 Isa 33-34; Mk 3
27 Psa 66; Isa 35-36; Mk 4
28 Isa 37; Psa 76; Mk 5
29 Isa 38; Mk 6
30 Isa 39-40; Mk 7
31 Isa 41-42; Mk 8

April
1 Isa 43; Mk 9
2 Isa 44; Mk 10
3 Isa 45-46; Psa 85; Mk 11
4 Isa 47-48; Mk 12
5 Psa 148; Isa 49-50; Mk 13
6 Isa 51; Mk 14
7 Isa 52-53; Mk 15; Psa 22
8 Psa 113; Isa 54-55; Mk 16
9 Isa 56-58; Acts 1
10 Psa 14; Isa 59; Acts 2
11 Isa 60-63; Acts 3; Psa 32
12 Isa 64-66; Acts 4
13 Numbers 1; Acts 5
14 Num 2-3; Acts 6
15 Num 4; Acts 7
16 Num 5; Acts 8
17 Num 6; Psa 67; Acts 9
18 Num 7; Acts 10
19 Num 8-9; Acts 11
20 Num 10-11; Acts 12
21 Num 12; Acts 13; Psa 16
22 Num 13-14; Acts 14
23 Num 15; Acts 15
24 Num 16; Acts 16
25 Num 17-18; Acts 17; Psa 24
26 Num 19-20; Acts 18
27 Num 21; Acts 19
28 Num 22; Acts 20
29 Num 23-24; Acts 21
30 Num 25; Jude 1; Acts 22

May
1 Num 26; Acts 23
2 Num 27-28; Acts 24
3 Num 29-30; Acts 25
4 Num 31; Acts 26
5 Num 32; Acts 27
6 Num 33; Acts 28
7 Psa 47; Num 34-36
8 Deuteronomy 1; Psa 60; Deut 2
9 Deut 3-4; Psa 147
10 Deut 5-7; Psa 1
11 Deut 8-10; 1 Cor 1
12 Deut 11-13; 1 Cor 2
13 Deut 14-16; 1 Cor 3
14 Deut 17-19; 1 Cor 4
15 Deut 20-22; 1 Cor 5
16 Deut 23-25; 1 Cor 6
17 Deut 26-27; 1 Cor 7
18 Deut 28; 1 Cor 8
19 Deut 29; Psa 135; 1 Cor 9
20 Deut 30-31; 1 Cor 10
21 Deut 32; 1 Cor 11
22 Deut 33-34; 1 Cor 12
23 Ecclesiastes 1-3; Psa 49; 1 Cor 13
24 Eccl 4-6; 1 Cor 14
25 Eccl 7-8; 1 Cor 15
26 Eccl 9-12; 1 Cor 16
27 Joel 1-3; Psa 87
28 Job 1-3; Psa 143
29 Job 4-5; Psa 25
30 Psa 6; Job 6-8
31 Job 9-10; Psa 38

June
1 Job 11-12; Psa 107
2 Psa 13; Job 13-14; Psa 39
3 Job 15-16; Psa 88
4 Job 17-19; Psa 17
5 Job 20-21; Psa 73
6 Job 22-24; Psa 7
7 Job 25-28; Psa 111
8 Psa 42-43; Job 29-30
9 Psa 26; Job 31; James 1
10 Job 32-33; Jas 2
11 Job 34-35; Jas 3
12 Job 36-37; Jas 4
13 Job 38-39; Jas 5
14 Job 40-42; Psa 30
15 Joshua 1-4; Psa 114
16 Psa 145; Josh 5-7
17 Josh 8-9; Psa 9
18 Josh 10-11; Psa 149
19 Josh 12-13; Psa 136
20 Ps 92; Josh 14-15
21 Josh 16-18; Psa 68
22 Josh 19-20; Psa 34
23 Josh 21-22; Psa 108
24 Psa 118; Josh 23-24
25 Judges 1-2; Psa 106
26 Jdg 3-4; Psa 20
27 Jdg 5; Psa 40; Jdg 6
28 Psa 58; Jdg 7-8
29 Psa 140; Jdg 9-10
30 Psa 3; Jdg 11-12

July
1 Jdg 13; Luke 1
2 Jdg 14-15; Lk 2
3 Jdg 16-17; Lk 3
4 Jdg 18; Lk 4
5 Jdg 19; Psa 10; Lk 5
6 Jdg 20; Lk 6
7 Jdg 21; Lk 7
8 Ruth 1; Lk 8
9 Psa 129; Ruth 2; Lk 9
10 Psa 4; Ruth 3-4; Lk 10
11 1 Samuel 1; Lk 11
12 1 Sam 2; Lk 12
13 1 Sam 3-4; Lk 13
14 1 Sam 5-7; Lk 14
15 1 Sam 8-9; Lk 15
16 1 Sam 10-11; Lk 16
17 1 Sam 12-13; Lk 17
18 1 Sam 14; Lk 18
19 1 Sam 15; Psa 125; Lk 19
20 1 Sam 16; Lk 20
21 1 Sam 17; Lk 21
22 1 Sam 18; Lk 22
23 Psa 59; 1 Sam 19; Lk 23
24 1 Sam 20; Lk 24
25 1 Sam 21-23; Psa 52-54
26 Psa 57; 1 Sam 24-25
27 Psa 109; 1 Sam 26-28
28 Psa 121; 1 Sam 29-31
29 Psa 31; 2 Sam 1-2
30 Psa 120; 2 Sam 3-5
31 2 Sam 6-7; Psa 89

August
1 2 Sam 8-10; Psa 21
2 2 Sam 11-12; Psa 51
3 Psa 36; 2 Sam 13-14
4 2 Sam 15-16; Psa 70-71
5 Psa 63; 2 Sam 17-18
6 2 Sam 19-20; Psa 75
7 2 Sam 21-22; Psa 91
8 Psa 78; 2 Sam 23
9 2 Sam 24; 1 Kings 1; Psa 72
10 1 Ki 2-3; Proverbs 1
11 1 Ki 4-5; Prov 2
12 1 Ki 6; Prov 3
13 1 Ki 7; Prov 4
14 Psa 138; 1 Ki 8; Prov 5
15 1 Ki 9-10; Prov 6
16 1 Ki 11; Prov 7
17 1 Ki 12-13; Prov 8
18 1 Ki 14-15; Prov 9
19 1 Ki 16-17; Prov 10
20 1 Ki 18; Prov 11
21 1 Ki 19-20; Prov 12
22 1 Ki 21; Psa 64; Prov 13
23 1 Ki 22; Prov 14
24 2 Kings 1-2; Prov 15
25 2 Ki 3-4; Prov 16
26 2 Ki 5-6; Prov 17
27 2 Ki 7-8; Prov 18
28 Psa 101; 2 Ki 9; Prov 19
29 2 Ki 10-11; Prov 20
30 2 Ki 12-13; Prov 21
31 2 Ki 14-15; Prov 22

September
1 2 Ki 16-17; Prov 23
2 2 Ki 18; Psa 44; Prov 24
3 2 Ki 19-20; Psa 61; Prov 25
4 2 Ki 21-22; Prov 26
5 2 Ki 23-24; Prov 27
6 2 Ki 25; Psa 74; Prov 28
7 Nahum 1-3; Prov 29
8 Song of Songs 1-4; Prov 30
9 Song 5-8; Prov 31
10 Habakkuk 1-3; Revelation 1
11 Zephaniah 1-3; Rev 2; Psa 2
12 Haggai 1-2; Rev 3
13 Ezekiel 1-3; Rev 4
14 Ezek 4-7; Rev 5
15 Ezek 8-11; Rev 6
16 Ezek 12-14; Rev 7
17 Ezek 15-16; Rev 8
18 Ezek 17-18; Psa 15; Rev 9
19 Ezek 19-20; Rev 10
20 Ezek 21-22; Rev 11
21 Ezek 23-24; Rev 12
22 Ezek 25-27; Rev 13
23 Ezek 28-30; Rev 14
24 Ezek 31-33; Rev 15
25 Ezek 34-35; Obadiah 1; Rev 16
26 Ezek 36-37; Rev 17
27 Ezek 38-39; Psa 46; Rev 18
28 Ezek 40-41; Rev 19
29 Ezek 42-44; Rev 20
30 Ezek 45-46; Rev 21

October
1 Ezek 47-48; Rev 22
2 Amos 1-3; John 1
3 Amos 4; Psa 69; Jn 2
4 Amos 5-7; Jn 3
5 Amos 8-9; Jn 4
6 Micah 1-2; Jn 5
7 Micah 3; Jn 6
8 Micah 4-5; Jn 7
9 Micah 6-7; Jn 8
10 Hosea 1-3; Jn 9; Psa 146
11 Hos 4-5; Psa 23; Jn 10
12 Hos 6-7; Jn 11
13 Hos 8-9; Jn 12
14 Hos 10-11; Psa 41; Jn 13
15 Hos 12-14; Jn 14
16 Psa 123; Zechariah 1-2; Jn 15
17 Zech 3-5; Jn 16
18 Zech 6-8; Jn 17
19 Zech 9-11; Jn 18; Psa 142
20 Zech 12-14; Jn 19
21 Psa 139; Jonah 1-2; Jn 20
22 Psa 130; Jonah 3-4; Jn 21
23 Jeremiah 1-3; 1 John 1
24 Jer 4-5; 1 Jn 2
25 Jer 6-7; Psa 11; 1 Jn 3
26 Psa 12; Jer 8-10; 1 Jn 4
27 1 Jn 5; Jer 11-13
28 Jer 14; Ephesians 1-2
29 Jer 15-17; Eph 3
30 Jer 18-20; Eph 4
31 Jer 21-22; Psa 82; Eph 5

November
1 Psa 35; Jer 23-24; Eph 6
2 Jer 25-26; 2 Corinthians 1
3 Jer 27-29; 2 Cor 2
4 Jer 30-31; 2 Cor 3
5 Jer 32-33; 2 Cor 4
6 Jer 34-35; 2 Cor 5
7 Jer 36-37; 2 Cor 6
8 Jer 38-40; 2 Cor 7
9 Jer 41-43; 2 Cor 8
10 Jer 44-46; 2 Cor 9
11 Jer 47-48; 2 Cor 10
12 Jer 49; 2 Cor 11
13 Jer 50; 2 Cor 12
14 Jer 51; Psa 137; 2 Cor 13
15 Jer 52; Lamentations 1-2
16 Lam 3; Psa 102
17 Lam 4-5; Psa 80
18 Psa 90; 1 Chronicles 1
19 1 Chr 2-3; Psa 100
20 1 Chr 4-5; Psa 27
21 Psa 134; 1 Chr 6
22 1 Chr 7-8; 2 John 1
23 1 Chr 9-10; Psa 86; 3 John 1
24 1 Chr 11-12; Psa 77
25 1 Chr 13-14; Psa 18
26 1 Chr 15-16; Psa 93; 1 Thessalonians 1
27 1 Chr 17-19; 1 Th 2
28 1 Chr 20-22; 1 Th 3; Psa 116-117
29 Psa 150; 1 Chr 23-24; 1 Th 4
30 1 Chr 25-26; 1 Th 5

December
1 1 Chr 27-28; 2 Thessalonians 1
2 1 Chr 29; 2 Chronicles 1-2; 2 Th 2
3 2 Chr 3-5; Psa 48; 2 Th 3
4 2 Chr 6; Psa 132; Matthew 1
5 2 Chr 7-8; Mt 2
6 2 Chr 9-11; Mt 3
7 2 Chr 12-14; Mt 4
8 2 Chr 15-16; Psa 141; Mt 5
9 2 Chr 17-18; Mt 6
10 2 Chr 19-20; Mt 7
11 2 Chr 21-23; Mt 8
12 2 Chr 24-25; Mt 9
13 2 Chr 26-27; Mt 10
14 2 Chr 28-29; Mt 11
15 2 Chr 30; Mt 12
16 2 Chr 31; Mt 13
17 2 Chr 32-33; Mt 14
18 2 Chr 34; Mt 15
19 2 Chr 35-36; Psa 79; Mt 16
20 Malachi 1-4; Mt 17
21 Daniel 1; Psa 131; Mt 18
22 Dan 2; Mt 19
23 Dan 3; Psa 115; Mt 20
24 Dan 4; Mt 21
25 Dan 5; Mt 22; Psa 98
26 Psa 62; Dan 6; Mt 23
27 Dan 7; Mt 24
28 Dan 8-9; Mt 25
29 Dan 10; Mt 26
30 Dan 11; Mt 27
31 Dan 12; Mt 28; Psa 96

Copyright 2011 Craig J. DesJardins
craigdesjardins98406@yahoo.com

(Those desiring an e-copy of this sheet or of the full calendar should email Craig at this address.)

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Peace on Earth George Bailey

Merry Christmas and Peace on Earth to all humankind. Especially to you George Bailey

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The Fruitcake Chronicles

(The Following is a re-post of The Fruitcake Chronicles. I first published this six installment short story in the Auburn Reporter Newspaper. Like a good fruitcake, I regift it every year. Merry Christmas!)

The Fruitcake Chronicles: An Old Fashioned Christmas (Part 1 of 6)

“Sir, I’m not going to ask you again. Put the fruitcake down and step away from the Santa.” The officer’s voice was measured and deliberate, unaffected by the disconcerting visual before him.

“I can’t do that officer! If I put it down, no one will eat it. I can’t let that happen.” Steve Forester’s left arm tired under the weight of the five pound fruit laden cake. Unwilling to relent, he waved the loaf defiantly before the growing crowd of officers and bewildered holiday shoppers. Steve’s fruit baton gesticulations increased as his frustration intensified.

“This fruitcake’s tired. It’s tired of being passed around. . . person to person. . . season to season. . . never eaten!” The officers slowly inched forward. “This isn’t a decoration. It’s food!” Steve’s voice rose to angry prophet proportions, “Food is meant to be eaten! And I’m not leaving here until someone takes a bite of this. . . this. . . deliciously fruity cake.”

A young boy moved forward to accept the invitation. His mother quickly pulled him back under her wing.
Steve began to cradle the loaf and whisper words of reassurance. “They don’t understand us. They think we’re crazy. But, we’re not crazy. We’re what Christmas is all about. They just need to taste it. . . that’s all. . . they just need to taste it. . . For the love of GOD! Someone please taste this cake!”

Steve’s reverberating plea silenced the mall. Only the faint, distant scream of an over tired toddler could be heard.

Even Steve was caught off guard by the silence. “Fine. . . Fine. . . If no one wants it, I’ll eat it myself.” With one large bite, Steve’s teeth tore into the homemade fruitcake, plastic wrapping and all. With this bite, the police rushed the platform, shoved Santa to the side and tackled Steve to the ground.

Under the weight of a dozen officers, Steve’s assessment was muffled but audible, “This tastes like crap.”

Every breakdown has a beginning. For Steve the beginning started five days before Halloween. His eldest daughter Lystra wanted to be a fork for Halloween. After a few concerted attempts to dissuade her from her cutlery costume, Steve assented to facilitating his 10-year-old daughter’s artistic vision. He was usually unable to resist her gentle but persistent persuasion. Like her mother, Lystra could change Steve’s plans with a prolonged, strategic smile.

Consequently, Steve found himself alone on a Thursday night, wandering the aisles of Home Depot, unsuccessfully searching for fork costume inspiration. As the minutes and aisles passed by, Steve began to lament his inability to open Lystra to the possibility of being a spoon.

For the most part, Steve tried to go with the flow when it came to life’s little hiccups. However, mild anxiety would eventually surface if going with the flow turned into going down the drain. Steve’s “don’t worry” demeanor could quickly turn into a “ship sinking” panic. As he turned the final corner of the well scoured store, Steve confronted the official start of his breakdown.

Rather than finding an aisle of fork costume options, Steve discovered a long row of Christmas decorations. Before him stood a dizzying array of giant blow up Santas, snowmen, and penguins. These oversized inflatable statues were surrounded by an expansive plastic tree forest, replete with numerous, automated white wicker woodland creatures.

As Steve slowly walked through the forest of faux firs, automated reindeer, and air blown holiday mascots, he soon realized everything was either moving or making noise. A life sized, Santa suit wearing, animatronic bear repeatedly waved his paw while whistling, “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” A six foot nutcracker chattered holiday wishes across the aisle towards a row of pint size Rock and Roll Santas. The miniature dancing Santas responded to the nutcracker’s good tidings with syncopated pelvic gyrations.

Model trains aplenty chugged and choo-chooed through the polyurethane snow as a myriad of light displays blinked, flashed, and strobed within the trees and along the walls. Steve’s ability to see distinctive parts blurred into a collective whole. Before him was one big fuzzy glow of holiday excess.

When he reached the aisle’s end, a blindingly intense luminescence confronted Steve. His eyes strained to determine the form of the radiance before him. When the glowing spectacle came into focus, Steve realized he was staring at a front yard manger scene. Although half size in stature, the plastic manger figurines radiated such fierce light that Steve was tempted to kneel in honor of the strange glory.

As his pupils adjusted, Steve tried his best to discern the visage of the beaming baby Jesus. When the baby finally came into view, Steve had a clear and simple revelation. “Whatever this is. . . I don’t want it anymore.”

With this simple thought, Steve turned left and headed out the door. Surely, a solution for Lystra’s fork would avail itself on the ride home. However, now was not the time for costume concerns. Rather, Steve’s thoughts turned to a very different quest. From this point on, he would give his best effort to making this the best Christmas ever. No more flash, no more gaudy glare, no more over the top, pre-Halloween excess. This year would be different. This year Steve was determined to celebrate a simple, old-fashioned Christmas. Unfortunately, even the purest of intentions can go terribly wrong.

The Fruitcake Chronicles: An Unexpected Gift (Part 2 of 6)

Mildred Lurvy was known for her fruitcake in the same way the Mob is known for organized crime. Unlike the Mob, “grandma” Lurvy’s activity was not yet under FBI surveillance. Consequently, each Christmas Mildred’s neighbors were forced to fend for themselves. This year Mrs. Lurvy and her fruitcake arrived at Steve Forester’s doorstep a week before Thanksgiving. This created a moral dilemma for Mr. Forester.

About a month previous, Steve had realized Christmas in its current cultural form had become nothing short of intolerable. The excess was beyond rational. Someone needed to do something to turn the tide against the progressive corruption of the holiday. For Steve, this meant re-envisioning the entire celebration. Like many revolutionaries, Steve began his revolution by trying to write a treatise full of resolutions. Like many male revolutionaries, he did this without any input from his family.

Instead, he went away to a solitary place and began to contemplate the right way to celebrate the Savior’s birth. Two hours later, Steve emerged from the bathroom with his first Christmas edict. The commandment was straightforward: “Thou shall not do anything related to Christmas until the first of December!”

As a good disciple of his own revelation, Steve placed a Christmas moratorium on his entire household. Nothing Christmas related was allowed within the Forester homestead. In relation to holiday merriment, November was to remain undefiled. Steve’s wife and two daughters greeted this Christmas directive with a fair amount of wait and see skepticism. The integrity of his resolve would certainly be called into question. This came mid-November in the form of a 76-year-old widow and wheelbarrow full of fruitcakes.

“Well, hello Steven!” Mrs. Lurvy did not have the habit of pausing for conversational reciprocity. She had a small frame but a strong diaphragm. “I hope I didn’t bother you, but tomorrow I’m heading out to see my sister in Tempe. I just couldn’t leave town without spreading a little holiday cheer.” Behind Mildred, two steps down from the porch, rested a green wheelbarrow, piled high with brick stacked fruitcakes.

Mildred’s feeble arm lunged a fruitcake in Steve’s direction. The weight of the pastry barbell magnified grandma Lurvy’s hand tremor. Even so, Steve’s arms remained at his side, momentarily unwilling to reach out and receive the first fruits of Christmas.

To the casual observer, this may seem like a rather crass reflex. However, this action must be viewed in a larger fruitcake context. The history of fruitcake reaches back as far as Cain and Abel. The Bible says Cain brought God an offering consisting of the “fruit of the ground.” This displeased God, which has led some theologians to suspect Cain’s offering came in the form of a fruitcake. This may also shed light on the weapon Cain may have used to kill his brother.

Evidence suggests fruitcakes were placed in the burial chambers of the Pharaohs. Some archeologists believe this was done to provide sustenance for the afterlife, while others believe fruitcakes were used as part of the mummification process. Either way, grave robbers left these treats untouched.

During the Middle Ages crusaders traveled with fruitcakes to ward off hunger and to throw at the infidels. In the modern era, fruitcake seems to have entered Christmas lore in the late 1700’s. The English would pass out slices of fruitcake to poor Christmas caroling women. This did little to dissuade the practice of caroling.

The fruitcake made its way to the Americas as immigrant families tried to recapture the misery of their homeland. As of yet, no migrant group has been willing to accept full responsibility for the fruit loaf’s migration. Oddly enough it is difficult to find reliable numbers concerning modern fruitcake production. This is primarily due to the perpetual recycling of old loaves and to the unregulated prolific productivity of independent fruitcake producers. However, it remains clear that production has always exceeded consumption. Unfortunately, Mildred Lurvy’s fruitcake output was only exacerbating the problem.

With this in mind, Steve was faced with a moral dilemma. If he took the loaf from Mrs. Lurvy’s trembling hand, he would break his first Christmas edict and perpetuate a cycle of excessive fruitcake fabrication. If he refused the loaf, public perception would most likely place him somewhere between the Grinch and Ebenezer Scrooge.

Fortunately for Steve’s slowly fraying conscience, grandma Lurvy kept speaking. “Go ahead and take it, Steve. It really is my joy to give these away. You know every time I make a batch, I remember how much Chet loved these things. Every year he’d say ‘Mildred, I don’t think you realize how much people appreciate your fruitcake.’” Mildred’s eyes began to well up.

“It just makes my heart glad to know I can carry a little bit of Chet’s memory with me through these silly old fruitcakes.” Mildred’s departed husband sealed the deal. Steve reached out, grabbed the fruitcake, listened a while longer, waved goodbye, and firmly shut the door. As he headed towards the garbage, the fruitcake weighed particularly heavy in his hand and on his conscience.

The Fruitcake Chronicles: A Rebellious Trash Can (Part 3 of 6)

As Steve walked toward the kitchen garbage, the fruitcake weighed particularly heavy in his hand and on his conscience. Unable to resist a gracious gift from a persuasive widow, Steve had been forced to break his first Christmas resolution. Weeks before he had determined not to allow Christmas to intrude upon his November. Sadly, he found himself a week before Thanksgiving, about to throw away his first Christmas present: a fruitcake from “grandma” Lurvy.

Divine intervention comes in all forms; for Steve Forester it arrived in the form of a uncooperative garbage can. As a public school teacher, Mr. Forester’s acquisition power was limited. Consequently, the Forester’s house was less than state of the art. This created some minor hardships for Steve. For instance, Steve was forced to watch his favorite football team in low definition. The burden of this low-tech life was far reaching.

To compensate for his dearth of expensive technological gadgetry, Steve would, on occasion, purchase a low cost, high-tech gizmo. These bottom drawer purchases included such items as an automatic apple peeling parer, an electric pasta maker, and a fully automated Mini-sausage Factory. Most of these items lasted for many years due to their infrequent use and limited usefulness. Even so, Steve was still perpetually attracted to low cost, high-tech solutions. This led to his most recent purchase, a motion sensor kitchen garbage can.

The idea was simple enough. Instead of being forced to manually lift the garbage lid, one had only to wave their hand in front of the motion sensor and watch the lid magically rise. No more awkward grasping and unnecessary bending. More importantly, there was no way this techno-can would ever be placed in the bottom drawer.

From its inaugural use, Steve’s motion sensor garbage can appeared to be a great success. Each family member took his or her turn effortlessly disposing garbage in the all too eager contraption. Steve’s youngest daughter Cynthia spent the evening feeding the receptacle as if it were a trained seal.

With her six-year-old imagination in full form, Cynthia commanded the can, “Now sit! . . . Good boy! . . . Now catch! . . . Good job. Who’s a good trash can, who’s a good trash can.” Each time the seal opened its mouth, Cynthia’s would reward it with a crumpled up piece of paper. Steve began to question the necessity of ever owning a dog. By week’s end, Steve questioned the wisdom of ever buying the garbage can.

Unbeknownst to Mr. Forester, his contemporary canister had been equipped with NASA strength sensors. As a result, the trash can had a habit of opening its lid whenever anyone walked near the kitchen or even near the house. Even when all seemed still, the lid would suddenly pop up as if haunted by an extremely tidy ghost. Soon the family began to avoid the kitchen for fear of causing the can to unnecessarily flip its top. Consequently, like a neglected pet, the oversensitive waste bucket languished in the corner of the kitchen, continually begging to be fed.

To this over zealous trash can, Steve Forester brought Mrs. Lurvy’s fruitcake offering. As Steve reached the garbage can, something rather unexpected happened, or more accurately, did not happen. The garbage lid refused to open. Steve waved the fruitcake in front of the sensor as if it were a lure to be swallowed. The trash can would not take the bait. Instead, it sat quietly, defiantly, closed lipped.

“Come on! Open up, you stupid can.” The can would not step down. Steve waved both hands in front of the stubborn can like a frantic mime, hailing a cab. His efforts came to no avail, the lid remained shut. Steve was about to manhandle the hand sensor when suddenly the word “intervention” popped into his head. Like a divine whisper, “intervention” interrupted Mr. Forester’s quest to trash the first fruits of his premature Christmas.

Steve’s thoughts immediately responded to the word. “Intervention . . . That’s what this is. . . it’s an intervention. This garbage can is trying to tell me something. This fruitcake. . . this fruitcake is what Christmas is all about. Something handmade, from the heart, genuine.” His rapid fire cogitation continued. “This is a sign! We don’t need less fruitcake, we need more fruitcake. . . . Well maybe not fruitcake, but more of this!” Steve paused in his mental soliloquy, stood up straight, and raised the fruitcake to eye level. “This is Christmas! This is what we need. More of this!”

The line between inspiration and madness has much to do with who writes the biography. From Steve’s autobiographical perspective, he had stumbled upon the best path to redeem Christmas. Those around him were less certain. Regardless, Steve resolved to pursue a dual course of action. First, he would make it his quest to find someone who actually liked fruitcake. Second, he would prevent his family from succumbing to the commercialization of Christmas. This year, instead of buying presents for his family, he would make them handcrafted gifts.

In theory the idea had merit. In reality it verged on disastrous.

The Fruitcake Chronicles: A Terrible Misunderstanding (Part 4 of 6)

“So what do you guys think?” Steve’s loud tone and exaggerated gestures conveyed his lack of faith in his audience’s receptivity. “Let’s do this thing! Instead of wasting a bunch of money on a bunch a useless stuff, let’s make this Christmas memorable. This year. . . let’s make our own Christmas presents!”

Steve Forester’s fourth grade daughter Lystra burst into tears, ran up the stairs, and slammed her bedroom door. On the way out, Lystra had the last word, “I hate this stupid idea! You’re killing Christmas!”

Cynthia, Steve’s remaining progeny, sat quietly on the living room rug, legs crossed, head in hands. Steve hoped his youngest daughter might forget this memory; however, he was certain someday a therapist would help her remember.

Steve was reluctant to look towards his wife. Even so, he could feel her disapproval. When conflict greeted the Forester household, it was almost always three to one. Finally he looked in her direction. “What do you think, Jenny?”

Jennifer was a minimalist at heart. Her measured response said enough, “You really want to go through with this?” Steve bobbled a nod as Jenny continued. “Well. . . at least it will be memorable. I certainly will not forget it.” With oh well certitude she rose from the couch and reached down for Cynthia’s hand. “Come on little miss. Let’s go rescue your sister.”

In the initial stages, there is little difference between a true visionary and a bull-headed moron. Unfortunately for the Forester family, Steve saw himself as a visionary. His passion to rescue Christmas from its commercial crassness was too great to be thwarted by a temporary family rebellion.

As Christmas drew near, Steve began to question his visionary status. This was primarily due to his inability to make at least one viable Christmas present. With a week left until Christmas, Steve’s hand-craftiness had produced three wooden dolls with eerily misshaped torsos; a dozen smog hewed, lopsided votive candles; a pile of oddly variegated pot-holders; and two immobile, asymmetrical fiberglass wagons.

Steve knew he was in trouble when the craft store ladies started greeting him by name. Not only were his crafts poorly executed, they were also extremely impractical. The phrase, “it’s the thought that counts” was formed under such conditions. Shaken but still undeterred, Steve finally settled on a craft that appeared doable in the remaining time frame. He decided to make homemade perfume. This too was a terrible idea.

The internet site where Steve found his perfume recipe purported the fragrance would evoke the essence of Chanel. Steve’s stovetop implementation of the recipe produced a smell akin to Meth Lab. The oder was so pungent he closed all the windows of his house for fear of raising suspicion. It was at this moment Steve received a knock on the door from Sandra Lock, the Superintendent of schools.

Superintendent Lock’s wide smile turned slightly towards concern as she gazed upon Mr. Forester’s attire. Due to the caustic, splattering nature of his aroma alchemy, he was wearing protective gear in the form of a shower cap, safety glasses, chemist’s gloves, waist high waders, and a plastic apron. As Steve removed his glasses and opened the screen door, Sandra Lock turned her head to the side to temper the impact of the pungent wall of fumes.

“Well, hello Steven. I hope I didn’t interrupt you.” Mrs. Lock inhaled with a slight gasp. Her thoughts raced back to the drug awareness seminar she had attended in the fall. This, however, was not the reason for her visit. After some awkward small talk, Mrs. Lock diplomatically introduced the purpose of her house call.

“Steve, there’s no easy way to say this. So I’m asking that you just hear me out before you respond.” She paused and entered into more rehearsed remarks. “A few weeks back, your daughter Cynthia started crying in class. She told her teacher how you guys were making each other presents because you couldn’t afford to buy gifts. When we heard the news, we just felt we needed to do something. So a bunch of us got together and bought you and your family some Christmas gifts.” Mrs. Lock turned and pointed to the large bag of presents sitting directly behind her.

“You did what?”

Steve’s confused question turned to lament as he leaned out the door and caught a glimpse of the extensive pile of donated gifts. The confusion left him at a loss for words. Before he could bring reality into the equation, Superintendent Lock quickly closed the conversation and headed for the car. She had mistaken Mr. Forester’s shocked silence to be an expression of profound gratitude.

When the dust settled, Steve Forester and the entire Forester family found themselves confronting an issue that went far beyond the Forester homestead. Steve Forester’s desire to implement a homemade, non-commercial Christmas had not been motivated by a lack of money. Unfortunately, he failed to properly convey this reality to his six-year-old daughter Cynthia. She suspected the family to be destitute.
Accordingly, Cynthia had taken it upon herself to communicate the plight of the Forester family to numerous charitable organizations. After a fair amount of gentle interrogation, Steve discovered she had contacted at least 20 social service agencies as well as numerous holiday wish contests. As Cynthia was finishing her confession, the local Christian radio station called.

“Is this Mr. Forester?”

The Fruitcake Chronicles: An Unfortunate Headline (Part 5 of 6)

Steve Forester despised his floral patterned, living room glider rocker as well as its accompanying gliding ottoman. It was a gift from his mother-in-law, but no one sat in the awkward contraption but the family cat. Even the cat would have preferred a recliner. Still, the rocker was the first piece of furniture to greet visitors as they entered the Forester household. It sat near the front door as a memorial to his mother-in-law, to be removed unceremoniously at her death.

On the day of Steve’s holiday breakdown, he chose to sit in this unpopular oscillating rocker to gain a clearer perspective of the crisis at hand. Mr. Forester had entered the Christmas season with high hopes and grandiose plans. From the get go, he had resolved not to succumb to the prevailing commercial corruption of Christmas.

This resolve was strengthened when Steve received a homemade fruitcake from an elderly, widowed neighbor. Even though Steve hated fruitcake, Mildred Lurvy’s handmade potent pastry had inspired him to create his own homespun Christmas. Consequently, he spent the larger part of December making gifts for his family as well as trying to find someone who actually liked the taste of grandma Lurvy’s fruitcake.

Up to this point, two days before Christmas, nothing had gone as planned. First, Steve had been entirely unsuccessful at pawning off Mrs. Lurvy’s fruitcake. For the most part, individuals treated the offer for fruitcake similar to a contagion. Like a bad flu they either had already been infected by a fruitcake or had no desire to catch one.

Occasionally, someone would politely bluff and feign interest in the pastry. When these cases arrived, Steve made it clear that he was going to stick around to actually see the individual consume the well-preserved loaf. The excuses would soon follow. “You know I better not take it; I’m sure someone else would enjoy this more than I would.” Translation: “Why don’t you find your own garbage can!”

Along with his fruitcake woes, Steve’s handmade gift idea had taken a drastic turn for the worse. Steve’s youngest daughter interpreted the mandate to make Christmas gifts as a sign the family had reached financial ruin. Consequently, without Steve’s foreknowledge, she had contacted numerous holiday help agencies throughout the community. By the time Cynthia’s requisition plan was discovered, the Forester family was being inundated with holiday goodwill.

This came in the form of a pile of donated presents and a $1,000 gift card from the local Christian radio station. Unable to find the necessary words to explain such a misunderstanding, Steve received the gifts with stunned silence.

While gliding rhythmically to and fro in his cat’s glider rocker, Steve tried to find an answer to the problems that were literally pilling up before him. In the opposite corner of the room stood a large mound of unopened Christmas presents. Equidistance between Steve and the mound sat a lone fruitcake upon a barren coffee table.

Steve fixed his eyes intently on the neatly wrapped cake. As Steve narrowed his vision and anger towards the pastry, the rest of the room began to blur. Unable to find a solution that would leave his pride intact, Steve began to focus his rage on the all too resilient fruitcake.

“You’ve had it out for me from the beginning,” Steve spoke to the defiant fruit bread in spaghetti Western tones. “You think you’re so, so clever.” The fruitcake remained silent, “But, I got you figured out. You’re not going to break me. . . Every problem has a solution. This one just requires a fair amount of cre-a-tiv-it-ty.” Steve enunciated each syllable to drive home his point.

“That’s the difference between you and me. I’m the creative one. . . You’re just a pastry pawn.” Before Steve could continue, the doorbell rang. This time it was the paperboy.

“Mr. Forester. I think you might want to read this.” Steve murmured the front page headline aloud: “Local Man Feigns Poverty for Christmas Loot: Bah Humbug Mr. Forester!” Steve read on while shutting the door on the somewhat perplexed paperboy. The front page article was full of flattering fare such as, “Mr. Forester used his youngest child to prey upon the sympathies of generous holiday well wishers.” The expose continued with an unsubstantiated inference that “the Forester home may also be a make-shift meth lab.”

Steve read the article within earshot of the fruitcake. As he reached the end of the allegations, Steve was overcome with an eerie calm. He paused, looked towards the still stoic fruitcake and finished his previous conversation.

“We’re going to fix this. And you’re coming with me.” Five minutes later Steve was driving his Accord towards the Village Mall. His recently acquired stack of presents was crammed in the back seat, while Mrs. Lurvy’s fruitcake rode shotgun. Steve looked over at the fruitcake securely buckled in the passenger seat.

“Are you excited? We’re going to see Santa!”

The Fruitcake Chronicles: A Visit with Santa (Part 6 of 6)

Portions of the police report read as follows: “Mr. Forester gave many fruitcake related reasons for accosting the Village Mall Santa. It appears Mr. Forester attempted to give Santa three garbage bags full of wrapped presents. Mr. Forester stated that the presents had been mistakenly given to his family because of a ‘rather crazy mix-up.’”

“When Santa rejected the gifts, Mr. Forester became agitated. This agitation increased when Santa ‘refused to take just one bite’ of the assailant’s fruitcake. Following the refusal, a heated argument between Santa and Mr. Forester ensued. During this dispute, Mr. Forester called Santa’s pedigree and beard into question.”

“Santa stated that Mr. Forester made many ‘wild and threatening movements’ with the fruitcake. One of these wild gestures struck santa “in the belly.” Mr. Forester accused Santa of having a ‘potty mouth’ and of exaggerating the impact of the fruitcake on his belly.”

“Fortunately, for Santa and the mall patrons, Mr. Forester was unsuccessful in persuading individuals to take a bite of the item purported to be ‘fruitcake.’ After several tense minutes, officers were able to subdue Mr. Forester and disarm him of the suspicious loaf. For precautionary reasons, the loaf was detonated.”

For Steve Forester it was truly fortunate that the Village Mall santa was indeed a “potty mouth.” Otherwise, mall management would have pressed charges. However, the negative press that would have accompanied the less than saintly reactions of Saint Nick was enough to limit punitive damages to a lifelong ban from the Village Mall and its subsidiaries. All criminal charges were dropped as the police determined that waving a fruitcake wildly in a crowded mall was certainly disconcerting behavior but currently not a crime.

As far as the undeserved donated gifts, collective community embarrassment would eventually sweep that mess under the rug. Until then, Steve promised to do his best to return each gift to its original donor. Every gift except for the detonated fruitcake.

By the time Steve left the police station, he had engendered a fair amount of sympathy among the ranks. Steve Forester was not a criminal, just a very disheartened, disillusioned man. The discharging officer gave him a pat on the back and an admonition to “be good now.” Steve smiled and returned a “thanks.” Unfortunately, it had been his failed attempt to be good that had precipitated this mess.

Too embarrassed to call his wife, Steve chose to venture home on foot. The journey was five or so miles, and he was in no hurry to stand before his traumatized family.

The sun had set about two hours previous. During the day the temperature had been playfully hovering just above freezing. This led to an occasional, brief snow flurry in the foothills. Moisture was heading into the region. However, as the cloud cover increased, the temperature would most likely rise just enough to produce sloshy rain intermixed with the occasional ice crystal.

As Steve slowly trudged home, light, frozen rain began to fall. Most of the slushy ice pellets melted on impact. Occasionally, a thicker, more resilient crystal would land on Steve’s jacket, pause, and melt into rain. The effect was the same as rain, just colder and slightly delayed. By the time Steve reached his front door, he was soaked.

Steve paused before entering the Forester homestead. As he hesitated, the front door opened from the inside. Before him stood his three reasons for most everything: his lovely bride Jenny, and his two, resiliently vibrant girls.

His youngest daughter Cynthia spoke first, “Daddy, we’ve got a gift for you” Her freckled smile revealed the pleasure of anticipation. Lystra, the older daughter, took charge from here. She grabbed her father’s hand and led him to the glider rocker.

“Sit down! We’ll be right back.” The two girls ran down the hall while Steve plopped down in his least favorite chair. He looked up at Jennifer as her eyes followed the girls down the hall. When she turned back in his direction, he caught her unfiltered grace. Jennifer reached out and caressed Steve’s shoulder. Before he could respond, the girls entered into the room at full force. Lystra was carrying a carefully wrapped, frame thin, rectangle. At first perusal, Steve suspected an eight by ten to be enclosed. The girls stood by both sides of the rocker, while Jennifer perched on the ottoman.

“Well, open it up! We made it just for you.” Lystra’s command required an immediate response. Beneath the wrapping was an elaborate configuration of popsicle sticks and emory boards formed into the shape of a manger scene. Cynthia immediately chirped in, “I ate five popsicles today, just so we could finish it!” The red markings around the corner of her lips should have been a dead giveaway.

Steve looked down with amazement at the simple, creative gift. His obviously gifted girls had turned fabric scraps, magic markers, and popsicle sticks into an elaborate nativity replete with the prerequisite cast of characters.

The next twenty minutes or so, Steve gave detailed praise for the various nuances of the gift. When he reached the kneeling wise man, he had a question. “What’s he holding in his hands?”

Cynthia responded first, “Oh, that’s a fruitcake!” With those words, the temperature dipped just enough to transition the falling slush into a gentle flurry. Steve paid little notice as he gazed intently at the tiny popsicle stick baby Jesus.

Merry Christmas. Peace on Earth, goodwill to all!

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We Bought a Zoo Review: Cameron Crowe’s Not So Family Film

We Bought a Zoo is a film that has little to do with its title. It’s not about the zany misadventures of a family trying to run their own zoo. Instead, it’s about a father dealing with the recent tragic death of his dearly loved spouse. It’s about heart broken kids trying to exist in a world where their mother is no longer able to comfort them. We Bought a Zoo is about cancer, about love, about death, about mortality, about anything but a zoo. Sure, there is a zoo in the film, but the zoo is simply the backdrop for a story about our ability to love and love again while dealing with our fragile mortality.

Yes, there is levity and comedy and zoo related material, but these elements are not of primary interest to director Cameron Crowe and his lead, Matt Damon. In many ways, We Bought a Zoo seems like a sequel to Crowe’s Jerry McGuire. Think of Matt Damon as Jerry McGuire seven years down the road. However, this time his “you complete me” bride is dead, his once cute little boy is full of teenage angst, and now there’s a young adorable daughter on the scene breaking our hearts with all her innocent beauty and heartfelt compassion.

Just as Jerry McGuire is not about football, We bought a Zoo is not about zoology. It’s about dealing with the death of someone who completes you. It’s about the unavoidable realities each of us face when we mourn the loss or absence of someone we dearly love. The more Matt Damon’s character tries to escape confronting memories of his departed wife, the more he realizes the futility of his efforts.

We bought a zoo is ultimately about the unescapable mark love makes upon the soul of every individual. The fruit of loving anyone deeply is they become a part of everything we love. Instead of running from this truth, Matt Damon tries to find a way to live at peace with the forever mark his departed wife has made on his life and their children.

Sadly, like many movies, We Bought a Zoo is being marketed in a way that doesn’t remotely elude to its actual content and target audience. I took my 9 year-old son to the critic preview to get his perspective. His review is as follows.

Me: “So Nathan, what did you think of the movie? How many stars would you give it out of five?”

Nathan: “It was alright. I’d give it two stars.”

Me: “Why two stars? What did you like about the film? What didn’t you like?”

Nathan: “I liked the monkey. But I don’t think it was really a kids film.”

Me: “Yeah, it had a lot of deep stuff about death and dying. It didn’t really seem to have a lot to do with the zoo.”

Nathan (actual words): “Yeah, even the animals were depressed and dying.”

Me: Laughing and bonding with my son. . . .

Nathan is a bright kid who doesn’t mind talking about complex issues and emotions. However, he hit the nail on the head. I would not recommend We Bought a Zoo for most grade school kids, especially if they are dealing with the loss of a parent or loved one. At least I wouldn’t recommend this film unless you’re prepared for the discussion and feelings it will evoke. I think many middle schoolers and high schoolers will relate well to the film’s complexity. But to be honest, it seems more like a film that’s been made to tug at the heartstrings of adults.

Also, like many movies involving children, We Bought a Zoo includes three or four scenes of unnecessary swearing that add little or nothing to the movie’s value. With these issues in mind, I would only recommend We Bought a Zoo to adults and mature teens and pre-teens.

One other issue of note is the increasingly retro soundtracks that accompany Cameron Crowe movies. If one were not watching the screen they might assume We Bought a Zoo was a period piece taking place sometime around the early days of Rolling Stone Magazine. Even the modern songs seem to be chosen because they evoke a retro feel. Which gives the movie a strange, out of place vibe. It’s a kids movie, made for adults, with a soundtrack that is older than the preferences of its leading actors. We Bought a Zoo clearly has the mark of Cameron Crowe all over it.

To be clear, there were aspects of We Bought a Zoo that I enjoyed immensely. At least three our four times I was moved to heartfelt tears. The scenes dealing with death, loss, mourning, and love succeed on many profound levels. As a family comedy, it is far less successful.

Even so, if you want to take your family to a film this holiday season that includes a depressed bear, dying tiger, funny monkey, and a grieving family. . . . then We Bought a Zoo is your ticket to holiday magic.

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The Problem With Christmas Magic Kingdom Faith

The Problem with Christmas Magic
by Doug Bursch

I enjoy Disneyland. Disneyland is square footage within a well fortified boundary. Within the boundary is magic; outside the boundary is Southern California. Southern California is less magical.

My family and I regularly travel to Southern California for the purpose of abiding within the fortified boundaries, within the magic.

There are six in our family so the journey is costly. Multiples of six define our experience. Six on a plane, six in a hotel room, six each with a five day park hopper ticket in hand. Each of the six requiring meals, beverages, snacks, and souvenirs.

We have become skilled in the way we travel. We buy the right discount plane tickets, stay in the right discount hotel, and pack the right amount of food to keep us from paying for multiple of six Disneyland meals. Even so, our pilgrimage has unavoidable costs. There is an unavoidable cost to abiding within the magical boundaries. Yet we pay the price because we want the magic.

Preparing for Christmas can become a magic kingdom pursuit. We take our best desires, aspirations, dreams, and expectations and try to turn them into a magical Christmas. With twinkling lights, evergreen trees, and sparkling tinsel we attempt to facilitate an environment conducive to joy, hope, and happiness. Through egg nog consumption, gingerbread house construction, and gift giving we seek moments of happiness, contentment, and laughter. And maybe, if we are lucky, in the midst of our family gatherings, candle light services, and Christmas prayers, we find a moment of transcendent beauty and love.

It’s hard to build a magic kingdom Christmas. In fact, it’s downright impossible. It’s just too difficult to hem in the magic and construct the necessary boundaries to preserve the beauty of the season. There’s just too much sadness, anger, and dysfunction; too much fear, loneliness, and lethargy; too much sickness, poverty, and desperation. No matter how hard we try, we can’t erect strong enough boundaries to keep the magic killers out.

I love going to Disneyland. I love abiding within the Magic Kingdom boundaries. But every once in a while, the outside sadness ruins the picture. The distraction comes in many forms; a mother yelling at her over tired toddler in the que for It’s a Small World, a sullen looking father staring into the distance while waiting for a parade he does not want to see, and an angry teenager just being intentionally angry. . . obviously angry. . . angry for all the world to see. These moment draw stark contrast to the “Happiest Place on Earth!”

The Christmas season is full of the same contrasts. Joy to the World and petty fights with the in-laws, Silent Night and continual back seat bickering in the mini-van, Jingle Bells and “Go to Hell” as the door slams. It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year blaring on and on and on to remind you that you are still unwed, without kids, and very much sleeping alone tonight.

It is very difficult to construct a magical Christmas. Yet we try and there are moments when we appear to succeed. Christmas magic is far more fickle, fleeting and elusive than our Christmas movies and television specials would have us believe.

Thankfully, we have the first Christmas story. We have the virgin birth, the sacred star, and the blessed Savior born. We have the frightened young couple seeking refuge in the hard hearted city of Bethlehem. We have the impoverished birth of a promised Savior; a feeding trough for his crib, a shepherd’s welcome for his arrival. We have glory among the rubble, beauty among the fear, hope among the desperation. We have Christmas in all its transcendent glory.

Don’t give up! Christmas magic is not a place, experience, or ritual. Christmas magic is Immanuel, Christ with us, the hope of glory. Christmas is Jesus Christ with us both inside and outside the boundaries of our magic kingdom expectations. Jesus Christ with us no matter how we feel, no matter how we fail, no matter how great the need. Immanuel, Christ is with us!

Jesus Christ is the Messiah. He is the light that overpowers darkness and the hope that overcomes despair. Jesus Christ is the life that rescues us from death and darkness. He abides with us and He will be with us this Christmas season whether or not anything goes as planned.

Merry Christmas and peace on Earth to all humankind. . . . Especially to you!

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